Motherhood

The Long Pause

You probably have noticed quite a long pause in posts on my blog I believe its been a week maybe longer; I apologize that content came to a sudden halt. My family and I have been dealing with a lot of family issues with one of my sons and came to a not so great conclusion in a huge decision for our family in 2020. Everyone is alive and well, so don’t worry.
Not that I owe any sort of explanation but rather that I want to share some of the things we have been going through in hopes that someone out there is going through something similar and maybe it helps them and maybe they can help me by knowing your not alone!
My oldest son is 6 years old, he is a great kid and a great brother; but for 6 years he and our family have been battling what feels like a monster that you want to just hide away and never speak of it to anyone. He has behavioral issues and other issues that seem uncontrollable at times for him. It has been having a huge impact on our family as of lately especially me as his mother.
We recently decided that for safety concerns due to this virus we would be homeschooling our two older boys at home this school year. It has been going great and I haven’t really had any problems except the occasional temper tantrum but nothing close to everything else that has been going on with our family. And for that I am thankful. I have enjoyed the time I have had teaching them both and really wish I didn’t have to make this hard decision to hopefully help take away some of the stress I have been under outside of school hours.
Our 6 year old sees his therapist and a behavioral specialist every week multiple times at that and he is currently in between medications as we are having a hard time finding the one that works for him. We were really hoping that he could live without such things (medication) but it has been complete hell lately and everything we are trying as parents is not working for him. We are currently switching psychiatrists and during our time in this limbo it has been advised to us that he would do better back in a physical school. I am at odds with myself about it; I am terrified to send him to a place we specifically have avoided but when I weigh out the pro’s & con’s of the situation, I have decided that I am more terrified of the person he could become if we are unable to get him under control. I as his mom am angry with myself because I am having the most trouble with him and I cannot do it right or well enough to fix it. It pains me to even consider sending him back to a school building with covid in existence the way it is but when it is weighed out I feel it is worth trying because we have since failed to fix it.
In this last week I have had to come to the conclusion that it is not our faults as parents because we are trying to help him, we are doing everything we can do for him, and we are going through it with him. I will not allow myself to feel like crap about this decision because we haven’t given up and we haven’t not tried because we have. This battle that we as parents are facing is scary but I can only imagine what him as a 6 year old is facing. He cannot control himself half of the time and to not know what is causing it to happen or why he is like this must be hard to wrap his mind around. We are braving this monstrous storm together and hopefully we will find some light in the lining of the clouds in our path, even if its just a glimmer of light.
In other news I still plan to do homeschooling for my preschooler at home and work with him on preparing for Kindergarten. I would like to continue homeschooling with him and eventually our youngest when he reaches school age as I have really come to enjoy it just as my 4 year old has. In the state of Iowa it is not mandatory to do preschool for homeschooling as the ages seen for schooling requirements doesn’t even start until age 6. Which is first grader age but I would like to try to continue working with him to prepare for his grade ahead.
In our situation I can do many things a lot of nonsense worrying and I can pray. I can pray to my Lord & Savior Jesus Christ; that I know he has our family in his hands. That he knows what is best for us. That he has got this! I cannot do anything but pray and do my absolute best to follow guidelines from the schools and just use my commonsense in this situation.

Has anyone else gone through something similar?
Any advice?

Thanks for reading my post, thank you for your patience during our long pause. Drop a like below and follow my blog. I am writing more posts and will be releasing them very soon so stay tuned for them!

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