Life, Motherhood

Anxiety Has Many Faces

Anxiety is nothing new by far. It just lingers around waiting for its moment to shine. It hangs over my head for its chance to jump in and take hold of my life. It has many faces, none of which are the same as the other. Ironically it wears different masks hiding its true identity. Lately I like many others have experienced anxiety. Where does anxiety lurk and hide? Well it is practically invisible and attacks when least expected. For me my anxiety it sneaks up when I am trying to get to sleep and feel nothing but worry about my infant child at night especially or worry about things that are not likely to happen but what if always hangs stalling. I used to be able to just go to sleep so easily and never really had this much of an issue with insomnia until now. My anxiety is an old friend who I thought I had left behind in this race of life of what ending is unknown.

Anxiety is not discriminatory it doesn’t care who you are or where you come from it happens to everyone even if you don’t meet face to face. Anxiety has many friends that often tag along to join in on the fun that it has with all of the emotions that a person gives out into the world. Some days I feel like I am on display for all of these different types of anxiety to pick on and have at. A free for all and it tries on all of its different masks on me. Trying to find the best fit. I feel helpless and stuck.

Who are anxiety’s friends, have I met them?

I am no stranger to those groupies who follow anxiety wherever it may go. They revel in the spot light and will make sure to fill in the gaps of a person’s emotions to better fit there agendas. Anxiety often travels with depression, stress, suicidal thoughts, the feelings of feeling less than, worry, panic, anger, and sadness. Most of which I have experienced first hand and don’t wish those feeling upon anyone. If you do find yourself masked with anxiety or one of its many other masks know that you are not alone. Alone is what they intend to make you feel like they want to self isolate you so that you feel like nothing can make things better and that you will just be stuck forever. When a person is alone it makes the process of cutting that person down and making them feel less than until they actually believe it in their own minds a reality. Anxiety and it’s other masked friends brainwash you they set in worry little by little creating a fear that paralyzes a person it beats that person down to a new level where they feel a variety of feelings all meant to cause a person to feel like they are not themselves and are losing their minds little by little until they do.

What does anxiety look like?

Anxiety and it’s cloaked friends live in the shadows of our minds and only come out to play with our emotions when they see fit. We all have a different way to show that we are going through anxiety or it’s other cloaked friends the infection isn’t always going to look the same for all the different types of people in the world. My anxiety, depression, worry, fear, less than feelings, & stress are different than yours. My anxiety makes it hard for me to sleep but other times I may have a hard time enjoying the stuff I want to enjoy like time for myself. Depression for me is silent usually I don’t cause a ruckus and there is no kicking and screaming it just eats away at me in silent lunges. I get beaten down in my mind and as the sadness takes over the tears pool into a puddle inside and out I feel worthless but no one would know it as I always put on that smile. A half cranked smile forced and at the ready to put on a show for the world because they don’t need to feel what I feel. I am too stubborn I don’t need any help out of this place I’m trapped in it’s not so bad once you get used to it. My feelings aren’t worth being cared about by anyone else but me they are after all my burdens to bare. They weigh me down and as I feel chained down to the ground hunching me over breaking my strength little by little I somehow must still stand tall as if nothing has changed because my pain is invisible. To the outside world it doesn’t exist. To me it exists they all exist they all wear their different masks. Stress lately has had me stretched out to the limit I can feel it’s toll that it has taken on my body. Reminds me of the medieval times the torture devices that stretch the body to its literal breaking point is how I feel sometimes with my stress. The feeling of less than will set in next as if the anxious worry and fear wasn’t enough nor was the depression induced sadness. Then put some stress on the woman… surely that’s enough right? Wrong because anxiety has many faces and so does the rest!

How can you make it better? Is it even possible to feel normal again?

Even though most days feel never ending and that the mask i am wearing the mask that has auctioned itself to me is never coming off it somehow does. Anxiety and all that follows it have that end goal of isolation to make their victims feel alone; I aim to make sure I am not alone even if most of the time I am not physically alone. I have to make sure that I talk to someone anyone who will listen. Talking helps so much more than your mind will let you think that it does. You have to push yourself to escape that box you are in even if it doesn’t seem possible. All that the cloaked box holds is sadness and loneliness. It is a lie. If you let it control you with out fighting you might end up in a real life or death type of situation that can be fatal for you or even others who try to intervene at that point. I’m not saying it is easy because it is far from easy you are literally fighting yourself. Your mind, to be more specific . You are fighting a brain that thinks and plots and twists everything in order to win then on top of that you are attempting to win using can you take a guess what you are using? Your brain! The same one you are fighting against to win what seems to be an unbeatable enemy. It’s okay to ask for help because it is hard but doable. Ask for help, talk to someone! People may not talk to you because they cannot see what is happening to you the feeling you are feeling is invisible on the outside sometimes. When I feel like I am sliding down into a place where I don’t think it is possible to get back out of I know I need to talk to someone I need to get it all out and expel those emotions. I have gotten down to my breaking point to the actual point where I break, what happened? I sank and just kept sinking down further from the surface and that’s exactly what it felt like. It felt like drowning in my mind; eating wasn’t important at that point, talking wasn’t necessary, doing anything was pointless, because why was it worth it. How did I escape my waterless prison in the depths of my mind? I made a choice that I could either die at some point what would have been a horrible way to go, I could be sent to some sort of mental institution and live what was left of my life I gave up on, or I could fight back little by little and piece myself back together. I chose to try again because I believed that there was more to my life that I needed to experience still. Now I’m here sharing it with you. I make it a point not to get to that point ever again; I push myself and reach out to someone anyone who will listen.

Don’t let those masks those cloaked downers get ahold of you forever. They will come and eventually go if you continue to fight back!


Sowing Sons: A Lesson in Lying

Teaching your kids is a huge part of raising them. You will always have something to teach them not that they will always want to learn. It will be difficult because raising kids is difficult!
My husband and I are currently going through this phase with our 6 year old where he lies. He lies about everything especially when it is something he shouldn’t be doing, naturally. Didn’t we all lie as kids at some point? I know I did. Now dealing with my own child, it feels literally impossible, like no end in site. I wonder what my parents thought when they were dealing with me and my brother during this phase of life? Lying is one of those things that will always be there it isn’t going be cured and done with. Well it’s not if your normal I guess. Here are the facts: he is lying, he disobeys, he is a kid. We know what the problem is; now we have to figure out how to get him to understand a few things. He needs to know: what lying is, why it is bad, what the consequences are, what he should do instead of lying, & that we still love him even when he does it again.
One big thing that we have made a priority in raising our boys is that they need to know that there are going to be consequences for there actions. They need to know right from wrong. It is our duty as parents to teach them these things because they don’t come born in this world knowing all of these things that are common knowledge to everyone else already in this world. You have to teach them!

What is lying?

Lying is the opposite of telling the truth. Lying is saying something happened in a way that it did not. A fact is truth it is something that actually happened while a lie is something that did not actually occur. When you are explaining this to a child it is crucial that know the difference between what is the truth and what is a lie.

Why is it bad?

As a person you must be able to be truthful with other people. Telling lies will only make other people not give you trust. No one with believe you if you always lie; when you finally are telling the truth how will anyone be able to tell. Kids need to have some understanding of to why they should not lie or really why they should not make a habit out of lying.

What are the consequences?

Consequences are going to be different from family to family. In our house consequences are necessary; it shows our boys that when you do something that is not right they will get a lesson in return of to why what they did was unacceptable. We use time outs in our house and depending on the type of thing they did a good swat on the butt will help them remember not to do it again or not to do it so soon. I as a parent know that they will do it again; I know they are not perfect. I never was as child and even now as an adult I am not. Time out is in a place that is not fun. No toys, its away from distractions, but at the same time somewhere where we can see them if they were to try and get up. It is important to have a consistent place for time out; that way the child knows where to go when it’s time for a time out. You don’t want to use their room for time out as that should be a place for them to be able to get away and sleep. Their room should be a relaxed area. Our kids typically stay in time out under the rule that time out doesn’t start until they have stopped talking and stopped throwing their fit. Then it’s usually about a minute per the age they are. In the case that either timeout isn’t working or they have done something really bad; the consequences go up to being grounded for a period of time.

What should you do instead of lying? What should you do if you have already lied?

Always tell the truth; its a great habit to get into because the truth cannot be altered. It is something that is set in stone, it actually happened. There is always going to be one truth but there will be all sorts of lies that can be told. Telling the truth might embarrass you, it may make you look uncool, and it may be get you in trouble; but it will always be true and un-altered. For some reason telling the truth is a difficult thing to do; even for most adults. Its is the simple thing to do. Lying comes with a whole list of bad. First its one little lie then it just explodes from there. Telling the truth will get it done and over with the lies will end with the truth.

After all is said and done no matter the lesson; let them know that you still love them!

Teaching children right from wrong is apart of parenting; it is a part of growing up. It sounds so simple to write out to say, but living through it is what makes it difficult. Sadly some parents opt out of this part the hard part they think well now I have to be a parent make my kids listen so they give up. The lessons that we teach our children need to be enforced; we need to follow through otherwise your gonna have a bratty child for the rest of their lives even when they are grown. Society will thank you as a person for doing your job as a parent some day, maybe more of a silent thank you.
When you are up to bat with the bases loaded and your team is counting on you; what do you do? You step up to the plate with bat in hand then when the pitcher throws the ball, Do you swing half way? No! That would just be silly because there is no follow through. The follow through is what makes swinging a bat worth it even if you don’t hit that ball at least you tried!
As parents we are not expected to raise our children to be perfect people. We are expected to do our very best that we can as we raise them. There are important lessons that need to be taught to our children. They are all over the place how difficult they are to teach but all necessary to be taught. We should strive to bring up our children to be good: to be truthful & trustworthy, to have good morals about them, and to be respectful to those around them especially when those around them choose not to be good! We must follow through in our roles as parents, that is our job.
My husband & I are on this adventure in raising our boys that is long and at times it will be treacherous. We will not always want to follow through in our parenting because it will become difficult; but we will not just give in. I know that we will buckle down and bear through it thick & thin. When it comes down to it we might even need help along the way. One way or another we will make it through and we will do our very best along this adventure of ours!

Don’t give up on your kids, they need you just like you need them. The guidance you give them will shape them into adults one day. Give them a chance to be good & do good.

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