By now you have read my first post where you learned my story well the basic layout of it anyways. Main story plots would have included a twist in your fairy tale ending where the prince and princess just didn’t hit it off quite so right; Next that princess lady would have to fight nail and tooth to overcome her worst nightmares and then would have to learn each lesson intertwined within the thick of it; Overcoming the enemy of depression and fear of failure by putting on her Whole Armor; Setting out on an adventure to fill in the missing pieces; Finding her King and beginning a new life. Sounds like it should be the end of a story in a story book right. I mean just about all of the points of a good story were hit. This story is far from over I have three boys, let me repeat that three boys to raise! That is three mouths to feed, three heads to wash and scrub the dirt off of when they do what boys do, and so much more that three little boys will do! Raising them will require a lot of effort and a lot of time they will also need to be taught everything a boy needs to know and not just basic knowledge, but right and wrong, fun, how to be silly, how to be kind, knowing its ok to cry and be upset, how to learn from their mistakes, and a whole lot of other life lessons. I hope to be able to Sow all of these things into my sons like planting a seed into the ground and helping it grow through all of its trials. Like that plant kids\people in general go through trials in life. As a mother to my boys I wish to instill good things with in them to help them grow strong just like the seed that is planted into the ground. If you give that seed the right amount of water, sunshine, & nourishment it will grow stronger than ever! However if you don’t do any of those things that plant if the seed gets washed out and never grows or it does grow but is weak and wilty it wont ever get to experience that growth that strength.
Come along with me on this journey this adventure of raising strong boys. I am not a professional by any means but if you like what you read doesn’t that say it all. As a writer I will do my best to keep it interesting for my readers and not only put out these big long books all typed up and what feels like pages and pages long but share different content that I hope is interesting and fun as well. My boys being little opens up a world of possibilities now for when they grow older they will probably lose interest in little projects and fun things you can really only do with the little guys!
Anyone who has a boy or boys can tell you they are loud; and when they are not loud they are more than likely doing something they should not be doing. Boys, while they are not gonna save your hearing or your voice for that matter they wouldn’t be well boys if they weren’t loud balls of energy. That’s what makes them unique! I swear if I didn’t honestly spend part of my day yelling at one of them or sending one of them to time out something would be wrong. Its normal. I guarantee that as a parent you have felt like you are doing it wrong at some point; you may wonder am I yelling too much? or am I not yelling enough? I know that I have felt that more than twice definitely more. I have done my fare share of yelling at them for fighting or doing something they should not have done.
As their mom I feel like my husband can just swoop right in and they listen most of the time because he’s a man and there is some connection that they can almost sense. Which makes the whole getting them to listen to me feel just that much more impossible; but in reality its not. I mean I am their boss too and one way or another they will respect me they will learn it. It may seem like as a mom you are being too hard on your precious little angels because you carried them for a period of time before birthing them. That motherly instinct is natural to feel but trust me they are like wolves at times and little pups at other times. They will eat you alive if you don’t get some sort of reign over them; i know how that sounds that word reign. It is essential that you draw a fine line of being the parent and them being the child or you will regret it in the long run. Being the parent doesn’t make you the enemy and its not intended to make you the enemy it makes you their boss the person they can trust and look up to as well as learn from. You can have a good relationship with your kids that still allows for lots of fun and great times even if you let them know that your the boss so don’t even for a minute believe that it is impossible. Those adorable little faces will thank you one day not letting them get away with so much.
Don’t you ever just get to the point where you can’t handle anymore? Just like any normal mom of any child I get to my breaking point. Lots of times I find myself hiding from them either they are fighting with each other, yelling & screaming for the fun of it, or throwing a tantrum. Yes I do realize it seems counter productive to hide from your children but your sanity will thank you later. Sometimes us moms just have to regroup just take the time to stop, take a deep breath or five, find a calm happy place with in somewhere, to think because can you really think reasonably with screaming and yelling going on? If this isn’t helping it is ok to ask for help. Because isn’t that what we teach them that they need to use their coping skills. The taking a deep breath or more; counting to 5 or higher; take a break somewhere quiet; giving your self a pep talk or talking positive to yourself; and also asking for help. I have worked on coping skills for so long with my boys I pretty much know them by heart for myself!
Once you have had that time to lets call it regrouping there with those zombie like children trying to reach under that door you are hiding behind or once you have called for some back up some part of your mom self is gonna feel relief maybe not right away but eventually what ever the situation those sweet little guys will suddenly morph back to their normal selves. They will turn back to adorable pups; what makes me an expert? well not expert exactly but usually in my experience and boy have I experienced it, things just settle down. I have yelled and screamed said things I did not mean because I was almost to my breaking point and that stress sure was high. The point when your brain goes to autopilot in a sense like it can’t keep up with your mouth; I am sure we have all experienced something like that if not that. One of the most important things even though it may sound counter productive is being able to admit when you were in the wrong by just saying your sorry to your kids but at the same time backing it up with for example:”Hey bud mommy is sorry that she got so mad and that she said some things that she did not mean, however saying that does not mean you did not do anything wrong” You would then explain why you had gotten upset in the first place and it may not be that you were even yelling out of anger it could also be that they were just playing too rough and it was super loud. If that’s the case you may say something along the lines of explaining to said kid why you were irritated, ect.
Reassurance that everything is going to be okay and comforting your boys/kids is very important; it lets them know that you still love them and that you still care. Kids take things so literally at times and this can effect their way of thinking then reacting to situations in the future. If you were to think of yourself as a child and how you would feel all upset thinking mommy/daddy is so angry at me you would see that its very simple to go from they are angry to they must not like me anymore, to maybe they don’t want me anymore… I know that none of it is true but that is how their little brains work through those kinds of feelings. By reassuring them you should stop those feeling from twisting and churning in those little minds in the first place. I am not an expert in the field its just stuff well more observations I have taken note of involving my own older boys.
You have also got to be able to forgive yourself because at times where you are hiding from them for whatever reason you may start to feel guilt for well hiding or maybe you have yelled at them. You need to be able to forgive yourself because letting it fester inside isn’t gonna do anyone any good at all! Something that has already happened is just that it is in the past and it can not be changed. It needs to be let go of somehow. You may not have this issue; either way here’s something that is also important, are you listening? Okay here it is; there is two sides to this; firstly if you are/have experienced this let it go yes but don’t feel ashamed for the way you feel and never apologize to some outsider looking in at you making you feel any less than you are because your perfectly fine! Secondly if you have never felt those feelings that is real great just be humble and kind to others who may not share that same feeling. That person you are secretly judging is walking a much different path than you are; they may be going through hell they may not be but I assure you its different than what your going through. Now I am not a feminist and have never really liked that mentality to an extent, however I do agree with the mentality that we as women need to build each other up and I don’t just want include women in this men too. We need to as parents support one another and build each other up; throw less judgement out there and more kindness & love.
When I am Sowing lessons in my boys hearts and minds; especially when they are loud and when yelling is at it limits and you think it cannot get better as you believe this is the point of no return I want them to learn something from it. And who knows I may also take some new learned knowledge with me too!